Daddy's Assistant

Grace is so smart. Maybe she'll be a paleontologist like her Dad.At least she likes video games like her Dad. You can't see it in the photo, but she was matching the cords up correctly.
We're going to Candy Mountain,

Dan

We're on a Bridge!

This is awesome.


So is this.


Put a banana in your ear,

Dan

Truck Bed B-B-Q

Yesterday I had to go out and monitor pipeline construction at the top of a cliff where there is a high probability of finding vertebrate fossils. Due to the inherent danger of having heavy machinery at the top of a 500 ft. cliff, I had to dress like this.


This is the view from the top, a little above where the actual excavation was taking place. My 4-Runner is the little red speck in the center.


I spent the morning with a group of Mexican laborers watching a couple of track hoes move a lot of dirt and rock. We talked and had a good time. The American higher-ups show up from wherever they were a little before noon and say "Come on Paleo, it's lunch time!" So I climb back down the cliff where they've arranged all the pick-ups with the tail gates down and facing each other. (Incidentally, my 4-Runner was the only vehicle that wasn't a full size pick-up.) A few of the workers were busy grilling up some burgers and onions. They had a full on barbecue going complete with spicy Doritos and baked beans. Sorry I didn't get any photos of it. Life in the oil fields is great.

It's a sentimental lovely day,

Dan

I washed my car today

It took me over an hour,

Dan

My Office

This is where I work.

Flower Arrangement

Paper Weight
My Cubicle
Larry and Ed

Doris

Where the horse and the antelope play,

Dan

Irony on the Job

A conversation that may or may not have taken place while sitting in the company truck.

Scott: You know what drives me crazy about this job?

Darrin: No, what?

Scott: Well, when I'm done working, I don't want to think about fossils anymore.

Darrin: Why do you say that?

Scott: Last night, when I was eating dinner with Alvin and Theodore, all they could talk about was all the fossils they had found. And all I wanted to do was watch the hockey game. There comes a point when it's too much.

Darrin: Yeah, I know what you mean. When I'm done looking for fossils, I don't keep on thinking about fossils. I have other interests and other things to occupy my time. Fossils aren't my life.

Scott: Yeah, they don't define who I am.

Then they looked in the truck tape player and found this:

What's the soundtrack of your life?

Dan

More Notes

The F-Word

Why did you say the F-word? I thought you were my friend. None of my friends say the F-word. When I asked you about it before, you were like "I always say the F-word. F. F. F. It's not a big deal. Everybody says it. Why don't you?" I don't want to say it because then I can't go to the celestial kingdom.


Birthday Parties

I'm not inviting you to my birthday party.

That's OK, I'm not inviting you to my birthday party either.

There are gonna be a lot of people there who hate you and you hate them too.

Ya. I can only invite like 12 people and I have to invite my cousins. What kind of party are you gonna have?

It's gonna be a dance party. Mario is gonna be there. I hope he takes his shirt off again like he did in English!

Ya!!! He is so hot. Did you see his abs?

Ya!!! :-)

Too bad you can't come to my party because my older cousin Frank is gonna be there. He's so hot!

Ya!! What does he look like?

He's tall and handsome. He has dark hair and dark eyes. He's good at sports and is strong and has abs. And he's 12 years old.

I'll have to meet him some other time. You should set us up!! :-)

Ya!!! :-)

To the best of my recollection, these are accurate reproductions of real notes I found.

Through the fire and flames,

Dan

This is 100% Real

Hey do you think he would say yes if I asked him out.

Uh ya! If he danced w/ u he would! :)

Should I then?

Heck ya!!! lol im hyper!

Me too! (o's in 'too' turned into a google-eyed smiley)

k good! lol wow that was great! He is so wierd! :) ... but entertaining!

Ya! but do I just go up and ask him?? like in English.

idk! Do what you want! sure...

cause it seems like they say no when ur friends ask right!

sometimes. My friends asked Cooper 4 me! But I didn't even know they were!

Ya but that's different ----> (arrow indicates the note continues on opposite side of paper)

idk I think I'll ask him myself

ok! HaHa! Wait. Matt Stevens? Is that who it is? sorry.

Yes is that weird?

No why would it be?

IDK Wyatt kina freaks m out! Yikes

Haha ya! Me too!!!

Is passing a note to Matt Retarded or not?!!

I had fun tracking this one down. The trick is in the timing. You have to let the note get passed enough times to become interesting otherwise it's just a strangely folded piece of paper with one line on it.

Names have not been changed to protect the innocent,

Dan

She Looks Just Like You

I keep hearing that phrase when people are talking about my daughter, Grace. I'd really rather hear them say "You look just like her." Or better yet, "She looks just like Faith."

Anyway, you decide.



I'm surprised that you've never been told before,

Dan

The Power Struggle

The scene opens with loud talking in the back of the classroom while a video is being shown. The handsome dashing protagonist Mr. Burk Substitute Teacher Extraordinaire approaches the offending students.

Mr. Burk: Please keep it quiet. Thank You.

Students are quiet for about 3 seconds (as long as it takes for Mr. Burk to retreat a few steps). Several minutes later, Mr. Burk returns to the area.

Mr. Burk: Some students are trying to pay attention to the video. You're going to have to go back to your assigned seats if I have to come over here again.

Students are quiet for about 3 seconds (as long as it takes for Mr. Burk to retreat a few steps). Several minutes later, Mr. Burk returns to the area again.

Mr. Burk: Okay, it's time to go back to your assigned seats.

Student 1: (in a whiny voice) Why?

Mr. Burk: Because you are being disruptive and disrespectful.

Student 2: Just give us one more chance.

Mr. Burk: I've already given you two chances. You knew what would happen.

Student 1: Dude, we weren't doing anything.

Mr. Burk: My name is Mr. Burk, not "Dude". Go back to your seat.

Student 2: Someone is sitting in it.

Mr. Burk: Then you can sit there. (gestures to an empty seat near the teacher's desk)

Student 2: Why can't I just sit here?

Mr. Burk starts to get tired of this exchange and begins to get a headache. The bell rings, saving him from further grief.

A scene very similar to this happened today. I actually gave them three chances. Anyway, I realized that going through a power struggle like this is completely hopeless. Being a substitute teacher you really have very little authority in the classroom. You’re unfamiliar with the discipline procedures of the classroom and the school and the kids know they’re never gonna have to see you again once the 45 minute period is over. I realized today that instead of uselessly wrestling wills with these precious ones, I can just write their names down on a note to the teacher and let them deal with it.

Fish heads, fish heads, yummy yummy fish heads,

Dan

Management

Substituting these past few months has been an incredible learning experience. It's helped me formulate my own ideas about how I want my classroom to be. I learned one lesson last week that I'll never forget.

On Thursday, I was in a 9th grade Earth Science class. The kids were arguably the most rowdy I'd ever seen. They threw crumpled up paper balls and pencils at each other. They talked loudly and called each other names. But it wasn't just that, they were vulgar and disrespectful as well. It was all I could do to quell the worst behavior and maintain some semblance of order. After it was all over, I came home with a bad headache that wouldn't go away. I was thinking, if this is what being a teacher is going to be like, then I should find something else to do quick.

The next day, Friday, I was in a 9th grade English class. Something I had never seen happened before. The first period class came in silently, sat down and began their routine work. All throughout the class there wasn't a peep. If one of them had to ask me a question, they came up to me and whispered. When the bell rang, they all filed out without saying a word. I was almost in shock. From the rest of the classes that came and went during the day I learned that this teacher had a reputation for being the meanest and grumpiest teacher in school. He didn't put up with anything and he followed through with consequences. I figured that he wasn't really mean in real life but had to keep order in his class. Otherwise, he'd have the same incredible headache every day that I had on Thursday.

I learned that I want to have order in my class and in order to do so, I'll have to be very clear about what behavior I expect from students and follow through with consequences. Otherwise, I'll hate my job and I won't last long. I'm glad I'm learning these types of things now. Each day is a new adventure where I get to learn and plan how I want my own classroom to be. I know I'm gonna have a lot of surprises when I do become a full-fledged teacher but hopefully I'll be able to cope with them better because of my substituting experience.

I liked it better my way in my world of fantasy,

Dan

Useless

This is the original post.

Since becoming a father, I've discovered that one of the most useless inventions ever is little tiny baby socks. At first, when you think about it, it makes sense. Babies have a hard time regulating their body temperature and little tiny socks would help keep those little tiny feet warm. Great idea, let's start production now! But the truth of the matter is, that they don't stay on worth beans. Babies are always wiggling. They stick their little legs out and then pull them back in like a frog. Stick legs out, pull legs back in. Out, in. If you do this enough times in a short period, the socks have worked their way off. Every time you turn around, the baby's feet are bare again. It's much easier to just put them in little pajama suits that have the feet built in. Then you don't have to be replacing socks every five minutes.

Because I'm cool,

Dan

Translation Experiment

I decided to make this post an experiment. I wrote a regular blog rant and then proceeded to use various online translators to see what would happen. This is what happened to the post.

English to Spanish (Babel Fish)
Spanish to English (Dictionary.com)
English to Japanese (Wordlingo)
Japanese to English (Free Translation)
English to Japanese (Google Translate)
Japanese to English (Bable Fish)
English to Dutch (Dictionary.com)
Dutch to English (Free Translation)

This is the final product.

"The subject is not" as for me flaw at the father that, that that unnecessary is, uselessness that, very small small sock/is the baby always invents. When she thinks, begins that/, /with in the meaning that you at that say. It is the small sock between which for a time, enthousiastic/the babies the hot feet that at that very small maintenance useful are you small very small at the temperature control of your own body be. Thought that it done became well round, is permitted, now beginning our production! Only as for truth, is /there no problem in becomes limits, comes valuable be of/that bean. /Always the baby trembles. You can the small foot install, throw you with outside as that centers, /after the frog. He with its own foot, at that foot the throwing outside to connect. "There are is done is no subject" with what country house center. If the meat processes it, this, sufficient time/the work short term, the sock slow method is. The baby of the foot again, when on round it just which moments the doing of that, /is the return with nude. That with simple thing, with passing play the foot that the pajamas equipped was geassembleerd in the middle of on the thing that immediately essentially are taken up. That the 5 minutes makes, has have been exchanged it the sock when needlessly the. Because of newly me feature on

Can you guess what the original post was about? I'll post the original English text in a few days.

Dan

Rootin' Tootin' Substitutin'

I finally graduated from college in December. Probably the best thing about it is that I don't have any homework. When i get home, I'm free to live my life and do things that really need to be done, like spending time with my girls or watching Star Trek: Voyager. Anyway, a byproduct of all this is that I have to get a real job. Since I finally realized that I want to be a teacher, but I have no teaching license or money to go back to school and get one, I decided to become a substitute teacher.

Now you probably all remember the days when you knew you could goof off and get away with more because your regular teacher was gone. Well, those days haven't changed. Kids still do it. But I still enjoy it. Though I'll admit, it's kind of scary going into a classroom and having no idea what you're up against. Each class has it's own personality and some of them aren't that easy to get along with, but for the most part, kids are good.

I only substitute for Junior High and High Schools though. I know I wouldn't be able to handle the really little kids. Junior High kids are young enough and they act younger than they look. I've been lucky enough to get most of my jobs in the high school nearest my home and in subjects that I know something about Math and Science. But besides those, I've also had the opportunity to substitute for classes in Photography, English, Distance Learning, Computers, and -get this- Girls PE. That one was thrust upon me like an apple pie on Tuesday... or something like that. Anyway, I've also got a job lined up to sub in a Spanish class a couple of weeks from now. I'm really looking forward to that one.

Surprisingly, the classes I've enjoyed the most are the Math classes. I haven't really enjoyed Math since 7th grade but I've taken a bunch of Math since then and amazingly I can remember a lot of it, or at least re-learn it fast enough to help the kids. The best part about it is that the kids actually like me because for once they have a substitute who can help them with their Math. I guess struggling through years of Math has been beneficial because I can relate to these kids who are going through much the same stuff that I did.

Open up your head hole Slappy, and listen while I testify,

Dan

Improv Everywhere

Improv Everywhere is an amazing comedy troupe in New York City. I just found them the other day through a link at a webcomic I read. The videos and Agent Reports keep me laughing pretty much constantly. If you decide to visit, know that it takes some time, but it is well worth the entertainment.
I wish there was something like this here. If there was, I would totally participate.

Cheerios, the Crunch, and the Crunch Town Flakies,

Dan

Things I couldn't say

This is the post where I get to say all of the things I couldn't say for one reason or another. Here goes:

***Removed because it should be. Sorry if I offended you.***

I think that about covers it for now.

Come on Eileen tu lu ra yay,

Dan

One Semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song

This is for everyone who's ever taken a Spanish class in a predominantly English environment.


Eleven = Once,

Dan

Gorilla Hero

I read a lot of webcomics to make my day at school a little brighter. Let me rephrase, I read too many webcomics to make my day at school brighter. But anyway, I found this little gem in the author's message attached to a comic strip. The author/artist of the comic is the one on the left. If you like Guitar Hero and/or Freezepop, you'll enjoy this. Let me rephrase, you'll enjoy this.



I don't know why, but watching people in gorilla suits is really funny to me. If you look for it, Harry Nilsson also did a music video a really long time ago with people in gorilla suits. If whoever invented the gorilla suit ran for president, he/she would have my vote.

You put the lime in the coconut,

Dan

Rube Goldberg

I know I've just been embedding video into my posts lately. But I told you I'd be posting stuff about my new favorite things. Since I've been wasting a lot of my free time by watching stuff on YouTube and Google Video, my new favorite things come from there. I've only got one or two more videos that I want to showcase, and then I'll talk about different things.

I'm not sure exactly how I found this one, but I love it. I have no idea what they're saying, but I don't care. The sophisticated contraptions they make just mesmerize me. Plus, I think the music is great, perfect for the video.



Ita cora sui chi?

Dan

P.S. Thanks to my oldest sister's blog, I found out what they're saying. It's "Pitagora Suicchi". Translated into English, it means Pythagoras Switch. Now go here. You won't regret it.

Tetris

Twenty two years ago something was created in Russia that has changed the world. Alexey Pajitnov (probably through divine inspiration) invented Tetris, the puzzle game that everyone loves. Like other classic video games, Tetris has infiltrated modern pop culture. We've got Tetris Halloween costumes and Tetris techno music but the thing that takes the cake is Human Tetris. Somebody in Japan is a genius.



I think it's high time we got this going in the US.

Cherish is the word I use to describe you,

Dan